27
May
2016
15:34 PM

What Made Me Stop Watching Porn Everyday

Introduction

Addiction to pornography took away a huge part of my life in the past. Even though I am free from watching pornography, I am still battling with some of the effects it has had on me in the past. The only wish I have today as regards my experience with pornography is that I wished I had been freed earlier. I wished I listened to couples counselling advices from my psychotherapy service.

My Background

I was born to a Christian home as my parents are both Christians. We attended church services regularly and I have been heard severely in church why I would keep away from sexual immoralities and lustful pleasures. I had always tried to abide by all these teachings until I got to know about pornography. For the next couple of years, I lived a type of life I wished I never lived.

My Beginning to Pornography

My first encounter with pornography was when I was in secondary school. My friends come around with some pornographic magazines to school, which they sometimes sneak to look out. I started to sneak around with them to look at this magazine, until they informed me that there were other places where I could easily get them. My curiosity got the better of me and I asked them where, they told me on the Internet. Due to the fact that I had a computer and an Internet connection in my room, I asked for some websites and they listed out some for me. When I got home, I surfed the sites and I was able to access several pornographic pictures and videos and that instant, my life changed.

Effects of Pornography on Me

Guilt

While I was surfing the pornographic sites, I remembered most of the teachings I was taught in church. I started to feel guilty about what I was doing. I made up my mind that I was going to stop viewing the pornographic sites. However, my resolve seems to fail, as anytime I put on my system and open a web browser, the first thing that comes to my mind is to check out the pornographic websites. I knew all about addictions, but it still didn’t occur to me I was getting addicted to pornography.

Masturbation

From watching pornography, I started to masturbate while looking at the pictures and videos. I knew I was getting worse but I just couldn’t help myself. It always felt good to look at the pictures and videos and masturbate. The instance I however finished masturbating, I start to feel guilty and I was always sad. I would promise myself that, this is the last time that I would masturbate. But the next time I put on my system again, I would want to check a pornographic site and then the urge to masturbate would come and the cycle continued over and over.

Shame

I also felt ashamed every time I finished watching pornography and masturbating. My self-confidence began to reduce and I was uncertain about myself. I felt ashamed confronting people and I always wondered how people would feel and the changes in their relationship with me if they ever found out that I use to watch pornography and masturbate. This feeling however was not strong enough to discourage me from masturbating or watching pornography as it was already becoming a part of me.

Spending Money on Pornography

I seemed to never be able to get enough of pornography as I started to register on a lot of adult sites and paying subscriptions. At a point, I had up to 10 different pornographic site subscriptions. My hard disk got filled up of pornographic movies, pictures and magazines in no time and I started to buy external hard disks to store them. I also spent more on Internet subscriptions to be able to watch the HD movies and download them. All of this was really eating deeply on my monthly allowances and funds I would have used for other things but I seemed not to care.

Objectifying ladies

I started to lose the value and esteem I once had for ladies just few months after I started watching pornography. The instance I see a lady, the only thing that comes to mind is how she looks like under her clothes and how she would feel like on a bed. At that instance, I would get a sexual urge and I won’t have the confidence to woo her. I would console myself with pornography and masturbation. I thus didn’t have any relationship with ladies during this period.

Being alone, exhaustion and sleeping

I started looking for opportunities to always be alone. Any chance I get, I would resign to the solitary comfort of my room and masturbate. I started to hate going out and this started to affect my social life and my other daily activities. The instance I finish masturbating, I would feel so tired and I would want to sleep. The instance I wake up and eat again, I would feel like watching pornography and masturbating. I started to masturbate for at least 3 times every day and sleeping a lot with my other daily activities being neglected. My grades in school also dropped significantly.

How I Quitted Porn

So many times, I read about quitting pornography on the Internet, but every resolve to stop I made stopped. I thus decided to see a psychologist. The psychologist was very friendly, was not judgmental and told me I had taken the right step. That one of the easiest way to quit pornography is to talk to someone else. Someone who would understand and not criticize your for it, of which psychologists are one of the best options. She advised me to avoid being alone as much as possible. That I should always stay around people. That since I normally use my computer, I should move my computer to the sitting room and get a mobile phone without internet access which I can use in my room. My smartphones should also always be in the sitting room. I should only use my room when I want to sleep and when I wake up, I should freshen up immediately and relate more with people. She also put me on other therapy and told me to start to relate more with ladies, as friends and not for sexual activities. I tried to follow her instructions. It was not easy at first, as the urge was very strong. Without my computer in my room, I could not watch pornography easily and the fear of somebody entering the general room I kept the computer unannounced deterred me from watching pornography there. Today, I have stopped pornography completely and I am in a serious relationship which I believe would lead to marriage.